Paranoia 2.0

I realized that I have not written anything of even a slight intelligence in this blog in such a long time. So many filler posts, and many of them sourced from other places! ... Inspiration is really difficult to come by these days.

And I find it hard to admit this, but I find that the public nature of my posts is really getting to me. The ever scrutinizing eye of whoever-is-reading-this-blog is really laying on the pressure! I am really thinking more than three times whenever I feel like writing my heart out. What would people think? What would people say? How can I be sure that only those who should read the post will read the post? Although I still believe that my blog is my personal space and I get to do whatever the heck I want with it, a liar I would be if I say that I don't care about whatever I write and whatever consequences my words will have on people.

It comes to mind that this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Ranting and bitching about a potentially sensitive issue isn't the best way to get a problem out of the way, after all! Imagine all the possible consequences, good and bad, that may come about when/if the person involved reads what you really feel about the issue! Especially when you said "I'm fine about it" but wrote a post obviously indicating that you weren't fine with it. It does not even matter if you truly felt okay with the whole thing when you said you were fine with it, but just needed some place to vent emotions that crept up as time passed by. Heck, sometimes the very reason you're venting is to make sure you can KEEP ON being fine about the whole thing! In light of this possibility, the blog loses its appeal as the ever-listening ear. So, suffer in silence then?

(Those of you who are now planning a 1000-word comment about how I should deal with such situations, you are missing the point. "Facing the problem head-on" and "confront the person and say what you really think" is noble and all, but the textbook methods are not always the right methods. There are situations when you CAN'T tell the truth! But hey, this really isn't the point of this post)

I wonder how long this blog will remain dry and empty? With (rare) posts but devoid of ME.

... Sometimes I wish this blog isn't that public. I considered making it private and only open to selected readers, but dismissed it as too much of a hassle. But I did take my link down from my Facebook page!

... Ironic. With (mostly) true freedom of speech on the Internet, I find my personal freedom of expression being strangled by personal ego and public scrutiny. Hello Web 2.0, hello freedom?