I am now 19 years old.
A year older, a year wiser. So people say.
To be honest, I am not convinced about myself getting any wiser. If anything, I am kinda disappointed in myself because it has already been 19 years, and I am still stuck the way I am.
I have always lived in the shadow of my brother. Yeah, I may have the nicer academic record to show, but he has always been the smarter one. Besides, public exams were not dumbed down back in my brother's time. He has always been the more talented one - sports, social skills, life skills, whatever. He's got a better grip on life, wiser, more mature and much better at handling all the dilemmas that life throws at him.
Don't get me wrong. I may be envious of my brother, but it is a positive envy. You know? The kind that makes you want to work harder to become better than whatever it is you are jealous about.
Wanting to surpass someone is one thing. Actually doing it is another. In the past two years, what have I achieved? Learned a bit of guitar, improved my Mandarin to what Kwang Yang described as Primary 1 Level (although I am still only able to read two characters out of a hundred), earn a measly RM25 per weekend, graduated from Foundation and sent my English down the shortcut to hell.
Despite that, I am still the same Aldrin: lacking confidence, openness, originality, maturity, etc. And some 'other' things also lar. Despite me wanting to become a better person, I am still stuck in the same, bland mould. The past two years was supposed to revamp me; to bring me to new heights - to increase the stock market price, if you will. But here I am, still the same. Which kinda puts all my previous achievements to pathetic shame.
But I will keep working on it. =)
Credits! Thanks, everyone for the wishes and greetings and presents and thoughts and belateds and actuals. Special thanks to my family, Ravindran, Raymond, Hershel, Simon, Alvin Nichol, Digi, Ms. Melinda, Ah Yieng, Keith Chong, Avery, Laura, Ben & Angel, Amanda Chang, Cassandra & Nicole, Sze Howe, Abubu, Joe, Johnson, Jacq, Eric, Samantha, Esther, Judieth, Jason, Soon Eng, and Mei Chen. Thanks for the Converse shoes, the Hush Puppies underwear, the Ibanez and glow-in-the-dark guitar picks and the 'Aldrin-on-a-string' keychain. Oh and also thanks Digi for the reload bonus! ;) If I accidentally left anyone out, sorry ya.
Side Order: Happy Valentine's Day! How did you spend this year's Valentine's? I spent mine at St. Thomas Debaters' Clubs' first meeting, watching a mock sparring session. After that, played badminton with some of my mum's friends. And then became the pengacau daun ('leaf disturber') for my parents when I joined them for dinner. Kinda pathetic, isn't it? Hahaha.
11 comments:
New heights. Anyway, you're welcomed.
Siblings rivalry, blah !!! Something I will never understand, oh well.
Try not to see it as competition, im sure ur generation (in comparison to ur brother's) is very much different anyway.
Maturity, self confidence, social skills, having a better grip of life, they will all come to you in time, there is no need to rush into these things. The important thing is that you enjoy what you do and progressively improve yourself in all areas. Even a genius cant turn into a rocket scientist overnight. Everything takes time.
I can name a number of things you can do better than your brother (which I shall not go much further for the fear he might come and strangle me to death later) and thats because you are you, not even your brother can be you.
Be true to yourself. Look up to your brother for inspiration, learn from his positive traits but do not see it as someone (or, erm, something?) to compare to.
Man, how I wish I was still 19.
But you have grown wiser!
Happy birthday Aldrin. Don't worry - your valentine's was much better than mine: I overslept and missed Judo, so studied.
Thank you very much for coming.
lived in de shadow of ur bro??? stock market??? er.. wad is dat again...??
haha.. become light bulb.. =P
I've never seen this side of you be4. I've heard you talk about your brother with great admiration though. And it all seems to make sense now. You just opened up. Wiser? Probably. Humbled, definitely, which is a undeservingly underrated character if i might add. You already have the tools to learn,so use it. Your tenacity and zeal will bring you there ,Drin.
-Earth-32's Batman is so cool! Green Lantern Batman :P-
Eric,
New heights? Haha. Thanks for the photoshopping of my face onto a female's body, by the way =P
Robin,
Ok, I gotta admit that this post was written in a moment of insecurity. But it's true - I really think that there is so much more that I can be but isn't. And I guess I don't aspire to BE him, just that I see him as a benchmark.
Dienasty,
You're welcome and thanks. Please do inform me of the next meeting. I will attend if I am available.
Laura,
Hard to explain lar. Ask me again when you see me in person.
Anonymous (but I know who you are!),
The Bible says that humble yourself and you will be exalted. But I am just saying it. Haha! Well, I try. I hope I make it. And I am glad you enjoyed the comic!
Oh man! I never thought you're anything like that even after I read this post.. I think I can try to make myself to believe it after seeing your nice Vodka reduce till one third.. Still can't forget the taste.. Hmm.. Should try more next time! lolz!
hey...,
just to let you know.., your are the target i set to achieve...,
so dun be so hard wif yourself.., u are very awesome edi....,
Ezekiel,
Just to clear things up. I am NOT emo okay?? This is just one of those posts where I suddenly feel like opening up. By no means is it an indication of emo-ness. Hahaha.
Anonymous,
I guess it's sort of an honor to hear that. Would a 'thank you' be the appropriate word here? =)
Haha, comparing seems to be a hobby of many.
Comparing others to others.
Comparing selves to others.
We have our strengths and weaknesses, and it's prudent to always utilize our strengths while seeking to develop what we lack.
Now go ahead and strive towards that benchmark, and stop whining!
Axfangli,
But isn't it only through dissatisfaction in oneself that progress comes? But I get your point. =)
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